Monday, April 2, 2007

April Fools!

Yes, April Fool's Day was yesterday, but that's not the point of this entry. Instead, I want to focus on some of the biggest fools out there today, present company and myself excluded. (Figured I'd beat Mr. Anonymous to the joke.)

Now, in no particular order...

Nancy Pelosi - Madame Speaker, going against the wishes of the White House, flies to Syria to talk about the Iranian hostage situation. First off, who died and made her Secretary of State. Second, why go to Syria to talk about Iran? Apparently, John Murtha was responsible for her itinerary.

George W. Bush - Let me get this straight. You asked your Attorney General for help in determining if you could fire federal attorneys, he provides it, and now you're trying to cover up a legal and Constitutional activity through a series of not-well-thought-out lies? Dude, you don't have to lie to do what you did. Brush up on your Constitution and tell Congress to shove their subpoenas up their...well, you know.

John McCain - You torque off Republican voters in 2000 and have steadily decided that you don't need the conservatives of the GOP to win. Well, judging from the poll numbers, you're going to need any vote you can get. Of course, that's not going to be easy, considering you've put your foot in your mouth so often you're getting athlete's tongue. Here's a clue for ya. Fred Thompson is on your heels and he hasn't even announced yet. Time to pack it in.

Henry Waxman - There were two things wrong with the way you handled Valerie Plame's testimony before the Senate. One, your ugly mug was all over it. And two, you allowed it to happen. You weren't there to find the truth, as was evidenced by the number of times you had to twist the truth to justify the dog and pony show you were running. You were there to score political points against the President when it's clear he didn't have anything to do with outing Plame. And if lying to Congress is such a big deal, why did you let Plame do it and why aren't you resigning?

Rosie O'Donnell - Watching "The View" is getting to be like watching an episode of "The X Files," only less believable. I know you're trying to "inform the people" about what's really going on in the world (at least according to you), but your credibility is shot when you start spewing conspiracy theories that make Art Bell look like Fox Mulder. And while we're on the subject of "The View"...

Joy Behar - One of Rosie's enablers on "The View." Last week, she maligned Yale University, saying it couldn't have been that good if President Bush was allowed to go there. And just where did you go to college? I've never been there and I'm not particularly fond of their political bent or elitist mentality, but to say it can't be a good school because of one person you disagree with? Makes me wonder if your alma mater would claim you.

Tony Blair - The way you've handled the Iranian hostage situation is nothing short of breathtaking. It literally takes my breath away that you're making the mistakes of Neville Chamberlain and Jimmy Carter simultaneously! I know you Brits aren't exactly known for being down and dirty, but you're going to have to learn how quickly if you want to see those hostages, alive or otherwise.

Al Franken - Wow. After watching your recent appearance on Letterman, I was blown away by just how unfunny, unoriginal, and uninformed you are. Fortunately, the Senate doesn't have that high a bar, so you might just squeak by. Provided, of course, you can find a way to parlay a fourth-rate talk radio career into a fifth-rate government job.

I know that's only a few fools, but you can add to my list or come up with your own. Not to mention, the list will most certainly grow over the rest of the year. After all, Congress has to come back to work sometime...

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