Ladies and gentlemen of Congress (and I use those terms very loosely), I listened with interest as the Democrats and some of the Republicans have decided to send a message to President Bush by proposing, voting on, and possibly passing non-binding resolutions criticizing the President for his proposed troop surge. Along with these non-binding resolutions is a threat to defund the surge.
Of course, none of this actually means anything...
For the uninitiated, a non-binding resolution is Congress's way of making a statement without actually doing anything to back up that statement. In other words, Congress just became John Kerry. No matter what kind of spin the media and the Democrats put on it, the fact both proposals were non-binding signals one thing: Democrats and Republicans who support the resolutions are intellectually dishonest cowards. They can't bring themselves to tell us how they really feel, so they hide behind a rebuke with all the force of a Frenchman's handshake.
But, since you're keen on the non-binding resolutions, I've written one of my own. I hope you like it.
BE IT RESOLVED THAT BECAUSE
1) Democrats lied to get into office by promising to do things for the American people within the first 100 hours and not delivering,
2) Democrats have been abject failures in waging the war on terrorism,
3) Democrats have openly and privately attacked our soldiers both home and abroad,
4) Democrats have not "drained the swamp" and have, in fact, been found guilty of the very corruption they claim to be fighting in the Republican Party, and
5) the war on terrorism is too important to be left to corrupt, intellectually dishonest, and cowardly people,
That the undersigned do hereby consider Election 2006 to be the non-binding resolution of the American voters. As a result, the results of said election are hereby nullified and new elections are to be held as soon as possible.
Signed this day, February 16, in the year of our Lord 2007,