SHADDAP!

For those of you who read my columns, you're familiar with the title of this post. If not, every so often, I find people who are abusing their First Amendment right to free speech by saying some incredibly stupid things. (And, no, I'm not included, so you can stop asking.) Here's the latest list of people who just need to SHADDAP!

Trent Lott, SHADDAP! Your recent attack on conservative talk radio as it pertains to the recent amnesty...I mean immigration reform bill showed you are way out of touch with the average American. And let's not forget that it was conservative talk radio who by and larged defended you against charges of being a racist after your comments at Strom Thurmond's birthday party. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you...

Jimmy Carter, SHADDAP! There's a reason you are only a one-term President, and it's becoming more evident with each new thing you say today: you don't know when to leave well enough alone! Just because you brokered a peace deal between Israel and Egypt over 30 years ago doesn't make you an expert on the Middle East today. And your anti-Jewish attitude that has come out in recent years definitely disqualifies you from any level of credibility on the subject except amongst those predisposed to hate Jews. You know, like Pat Buchanan.

John and Elizabeth Edwards, SHADDAP! First, you try to make hay out of Ann Coulter's statement accusing her of calling John a derrogatory name for a gay (when it's clear she didn't). Then, John gets caught raking in big bucks for giving a speech about fighting poverty while at the same time spending $400 on a haircut. Now, you're going back to bashing Coulter? And what's worse is John is letting Elizabeth fight that battle now! I'm all for feminism, but when you're running for the Presidency, it's a sign of weakness to let a woman defend you in a fight you should be fighting.

Sean Hannity, SHADDAP! You're starting to sound like a broken record, only less entertaining. You're becoming the talk radio equivalent of Molly Ivins: you can predict what you'll talk about because you keep repeating the same damn themes. And your recent comments about cloture and how "voting for cloture is a vote for amnesty" show that you've done a lot of research...but not on the right facts. There are procedural tactics that can be used to prevent the Senate bill from even making it out of the Senate in one piece, but you overlooked all of that to come up with a slogan that you repeat and repeat like a mantra.

Supporters of the Fairness Doctrine, SHADDAP! You people who support the reintroduction of the Fairness Doctrine in today's society are lying to us. You don't want fairness or an informed population. If so, you would have taken MSNBC's evening programming off the air a long time ago. What you want is to force radio stations to take crappy faux liberal talk radio shows and toss aside conservative talk radio shows that actually bring in ad revenue. That, boys and girls, is financial censorship. And how many radio stations would have to go off the air due to low ad revenues if the Democrats get their way? More financial censorship. And all because Democrats can't be honest and say, "We're only doing this because talk radio tells the truth about us, and we can't have that."

Al Gore, SHADDAP! The debate over global warming is over? You might want to check with Australia, who just had its first SNOWFALL in years.

Michael Moore, SHADDAP! "Sicko" comes out soon, but you don't exactly answer a burning question that tells you all you need to know about the quality of care in America. "Where is the Mayo Clinic?" Answer: America. Class dismissed. Mikey, you go sit in the corner with your dunce cap.

And finally...

Tony Snow, SHADDAP! I liked you better when you at least sounded and acted like you had integrity. Since when does being White House Press Secretary require you to sell out America? I hope you picked up a lot of yoga classes because you're twisting yourself into positions I wouldn't ask Reed Richards to do.

That's all for now. I'm going to take my own advice and SHADDAP!